. . I lost a life outside my past.
I won my freedom near 10 years removed.
I lost the argument yet I didn’t want to win a week of my heart,
into stressed butts and,
scratch marks never left my side.
I kept letting her win as my mind wandered and wondered,
how of my hurried and worried life as days passed.
Since I threw up all of my material into a vessel,
I asked a lovely grey named,
She did tell me
“Don’t worry emperor of my heart,
I will see to it your Avatar in Pleadis will be with you.
Look up as you live today not
not even a single tear from the
bones of yours.
I love you,
I will be with.
Love me in my memories,
you will be.
I want to lose each time,
so to know what winning does
and the knowledge applies not yesterday
only at the moment of life, love and the light which gathers.
Annie, Diana and my beautiful baby Prunella.
The Past was the most loving life you made me realize you three were the ones that made it complete.
Annie my anxieties, you are mine to cast tomorrow and the most alluring shame of mine.
Diana of all bittersweet depression. You and I always make love of my misery and innermost pain. Please keep the blame we gather and spend most lovingly.
Prunella, my sweetest pasts that lies to begin that won’t ever end. You will be my vampire queen that sucks me into those depths where my own leviathian of my assumptions that never fled of my own flood.
. . .share me the idea,
share me a care.
where I can never have all of my life
be redone in an instant as to 3up’s of Mario’s coffee. . .
be reset at the save point at my cartridge. . .
level up’d as to have a bonus round where all my ammo are replenished.
Nakita mo na,
Kahit di ko na kaya,
Ti tingin ka lan ba.
Alam mo ng di mo na kaya,
alam mo ng super at sakit na ako sa hirap.
Sure alam ko,
you will always watch.
to your amusement.
Para saan pa at andyan ka
sa buhay ko.
Then how do I start,
When can I believe,
How am I going make it eveyday,
I am simply single with a beautiful princess beside me,
and nag i-isang companion in my life lan.
That’s a lie when it does state in a paper
come here my pet.
come hither to my side.
Come here now to my similar side.
You of all my familiars.
I am yours and you are mine,
no more of my human construct and conditions.
no more fears of all my doubts.
no more blazing tears that spears onto my beige skin.
So it seems you came back after all.
My lovely Prunella,
oh sweetest temptation that suck the marrow of my skin.
oh sweetest devotion that lingers at the bottom in the opening
of that threshold,
to which you slyly coo at my attention.
So it seems you can always count me out,
You do know,
I am staying.
So ask that pet bird of yours,
to come to me,
I have been looking for her.
Tell her I may,
but I dunno.
Let Pheez be the one trail
all embers from here,
to Timbaktu and
Mirkwood to oars of Narnia,
come to me.
Buong buhay ko,
gusto sana maparis sa yo.
Kaso nga lan,
Buti hindi ako tumulad sa yo.
Because kung nagawa ko yun.
I would be first a spitting image of your own galit sa mundo.
Kaso nga lan,
I will not do so.
Kaso nga lan,
I do not want that.
Your grudge, grumpy and grinchy ways will be yours.
Sa inyo lan yan.
I will le
ave it at that.
I did not want anything of my life,
yet you handed me, mine.
Still you are and will be that one that is like an unchanging spot,
in any carpet that I will avoid and not see.
Kasi yun kamay ko,
sa kin lan.
Yours is yours.
At least at last,
what done is never done.
Its always going to be none,
only to help you what way I can.
I am not,
still. . .
in honor of aspect.
. . . papa hirapan ko pa ba ang aking;
mata sa kaka iyak.
puso para magdugo.
kamay sa aking mga abilidad.
paano pa kung . . .
eto ay andyan.
eto ay pakita pa.
eto ay nakita sa yo.
How the hell of a fuck,
must I be so naive to think. . .
you can at least know what I had gone thru.
In a way,
I want and need to dig deep and will,
I want and need to dig deep and cry of all tries,
I want and need to dig deep for you to know.
I will not,
Blame all your shame.
Blame how you neglected and abandoned.
Blame how you are and will always be.
In my way. . .
that is how I want to forgive you,
that is how I want to love you.
that is how I will always honor and respect you.
I am to know of a miserable past that doesn’t make sense to me.
I am to be the one who you knew you can hold hack and would’ve care for you in your waning.
I do not want that. . .
All I know that is yours to be in.
All I know that is yours to bear.
I will give my own misery for no one,
but my shit muthastinking way,
that is mine alone.